Performative professionalism 💼 and Being a Teams player
Wrote this in a rapid (rawdog?) sitting on Tuesday 27 May, so trying it out as this is how my brain tells my fingers what to do and say, and I’m just following the lead. Embodiment, if u will, baybee! It could be a love-note from my belly-brain because it’s about work and the commodification of time and labour. Survival. Life. Money. Class. Love. +++ and beyond (isn’t everything always connected to these things in this: ‘what a time to be alive’ kind of age?)
Anyway.
In this multimedia zine, expect some swirls along with cultural jewels of note - another ‘cosmic sandwich’ if you will, with inspiration threaded throughout, comprised of things which have been hovering in my orbit. Not the only things, but some things creating a cluster dance.
Also: I have an update coming on the wild couple of weeks that just was. If you’re reading this because we met at my Artist Open Studio last weekend, or you attended one of four workshops I shared last week: I’m so glad you are here!
And if you’re here because you’ve been here! You’ve been about that life! I’m so-so-so grateful and glad you are here, thank you so much for your support.
So whether new or seasons, also feel welcome to check out my archives as these multimedia zines aren’t always like this. …Are they?!
Ok lets get into it!
Performative professionalism
Performative professionalism on my mind and yes, it is due in part to the frustration of being a person who finds pointless meetings for the sake of ‘having a meeting’ flaccid. When yes, this could have been an email, or better yet, can you just trust us to get on with the work and then enjoy a thing we make without any unnecessary communication, which is really under the guise of surveillance and control and hierarchy, which feeds into a very tired-ass and oppressive system which keeps us all tired, tied, and sad?
No?
My return to academia after 20-odd years has reminded me of prior worlds I’ve been untangling myself from for decades, building my career in apparently ‘unconventional ways’ as a transdisciplinary artist, writer, researcher, embodiment facilitator, educator, coach and creative mentor with 30+ years of experience in arts, culture, and somatic practices. Yeah I dj too and do other stuff but yes. Some context for the swirl ahead.
Since my return to academia and this, let’s call it what it is: corporate environment, I have noticed a few things. One particular thing is that I am convinced there is a weird neurosis about Microsoft TEAMS. I feel a kind of venom for Microsoft products, not just because (the verb) ‘Microsoft’, but the brain-belch they are to try and use. ‘User unfriendliness’, if u will.
I cannot fathom this particular tech platform. Yes, I am neurodivergent and yes, I have to spend much time trying to learn how to use these things I’ve tried to understand-then-avoid-and-adapt for so long, and yes, I’m that person who needs to log on a good hour before any meeting just to make sure I can work Teams, because they’re a law unto themselves with goalposts continuously moving.
Help me! - oh my! - and - why is it the knee-jerk to “jump on a Teams call”?! I do not want to jump on a Teams call unless it is absolutely necessary, and if so, can we do it another way? Does it have to be such a dreadful and access-unfriendly place?
The commodification of time and labour
I’m convinced there is a quota of Teams meetings to meet for some. A replacement for the workplace Punch Clock which logs our time-in and time-out and - “excuse me but you were 30 seconds late back from break there!” and “no, you can’t use the toilet”.
I resonate with many in the comments section of this TikTok by Carla (here’s the original post with comments beneath) as many of those strangers' words spoke so much truth about how I feel.
I want to swirl off momentarily on the history of labour movements and find myself needing to stay in the flow of channeling Belly Brain however, I do want to park two things on: the commodification of time and labour.
I am swirling into a memory of the Punch Clock and the mechanisation and surveillance of labour i mentioned above…and think our good sis Jenny Odell also references the Punch Clock in one of my fave books, ‘How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy’, which i’ve appreciated since it came into this world, and prior to that a speech-essay-keynote and yeah, i know i talk about it a lot (like here from October 2019 - who IS she?! Where did life go?) but more than ever do i feel a desire to revisit this book…shall we read it together?
And if i may, i’d also like to nod to a great exhibition i attended earlier this year at the Wellcome Collection in London called HARD GRAFT - Work, Health and Rights which explored the physical and emotional toll of labour, especially undervalued and precarious work, and its impact on health and human rights. Cause we understand how work reinforces inequalities………… 👀
I am thinking about how this Punch Clock logging of labour feels, the monitoring and (cue another word i dislike) ‘optimising’ of time, and the humiliating ways we are pushed and pressed and squeezed for ‘output’, in the name of ‘productivity’! It isn’t new, nor has it gone anywhere, just evolved into something else. And remains loud.
I think about one of the best films I’ve seen in ages, On Falling (2024) which is about a Portuguese worker in a Scottish warehouse, and captures what i’m describing so well. Here’s the trailer.
I felt a deep resonance with the story, my working class bones bark and hark and (again, thanks to the particular experience I’ve had at this particular academic institution) I have never felt so (proudly) working class, given the lack of representation of people like us in many spaces and places.
This film is truly something though, and if you’ve seen it, or plan to, please share your thoughts with me because I want to TALK ABOUT IT! Although I might need to see it again as it’s been a few weeks and the echoes and feelings are strong but I want to remember and delve into the nuances…Watch party?!
Logging time, space, place, output, what we can show and document in order to attest “I was here, in this Teams meeting, on this day, where it was scheduled and we ran over by one minute! Look at my stats demonstrating the percentage of time we spoke in the call! Can you see how hard I’m working?”
Doesn’t matter what’s said, but can probably guarantee a vibe which plays to the dominant cultural narrative, a hierarchy, a nonsensical jargon salad, imaginary urgency and competitive playing of TheGame.tm. A need to perform, at all costs. Remove self. Create another self, we are just getting through this…trying to.
No shade at anyone who does this! I am trying to learn to do this, that is, the performance, just to get through, whilst not losing myself nor compromise my values! I am trying to learn to be less earnest! To let the waters of questioning inconsistency run off my feathers, to allow grace for this to be an inauthentic space despite how unsafe that feels to me. To stay soft despite the rigidity of this angular structure.
In order to get through, there is a need to create a safe-enough boundary for this ‘WORK’. Although I might add, in most of these situations, if not all, I am abysmally unpaid or paid very little for this WORK, still………….i crawl my way into the Teams call from the ‘goodness’ of my heart - (I feel weird about the word ‘good’ and I am using it because of that) I attempt (albeit abysmally and reluctantly) to ‘play the game’ in order to be able to do and make stuff for ‘the greater good’, so in some ways, this is it. I am performing.
The tension is there.
In swallowing the need to speak and give too much, or ask a question to someone deemed ‘above rank’, or repair what has been woefully harmful, or be completely flummoxed by the meaning of ‘business culture idioms’
I might have to reference one of the funniest and most relatable TikToks i’ve seen below, which is someone sharing corporate business jargon with her partner who is very much, non-corporate-baybee and she’s asking them to guess what it means. Lols galore cause it me, i am in this video, not knowing this jargon! or rather, ‘remixing’ this jargon! Also want to offer, i’ve defo worked in corporate over the decades, but somehow, unbeknownst to me how, but i’ve been able to avoid assimilation. beep-beep!
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In Teams calls, i am holding my face from revealing my utter confusion at someone competing in a competition i’m not participating in. And that doesn’t just go for Teams calls but here we are. Just trying to get through, and perhaps get to do the thing i am trying to do.
My body writhes with this tension, but i’m constantly reminding myself of this ‘bigger picture’ so i can live with the inauthenticity and lacking of integrity from root to tip like a husk of dry bread, but bread all the same, but perhaps bread isn’t the best analogy because I would desperately like some Bread, as in cash-money $£€+++🤑🧧, but maybe not, because then at least I’d go somewhere which would pay me decent Bread for these Teams meeting woes!
What joy is there?
Is this real?
This space and time which is precisely logged.
An archive of what we DID. Despite there being no doing really, just a lot of talking-about-doing…
Is this how we are being ‘judged’ in our work? By our performance? Is the time in this vile portal the marker for what constitutes ‘real work’?
What is real work?
My plumber argues art is.
He’s built a large studio in his double garage and plays his brand new drum set in there and says it helps him feel alive and aligned and gives him true purpose. He’s good, no, great for cash he shares, describing his investments and property and ‘hollybobs’. Plumbing is not the work, he shrugs, it just pays for a lavish lifestyle he isn’t even that concerned about. I hold my breath at this point but continue listening. He is happy with his lot, but wishes he could live as an artist. I think about when I considered doing an evening course (alongside my various other jobs) at the local college to train as a plumber or mechanic to help make ends meet. I drift off again, mentally calculating the scary amount of time during the days i’ve been metaphorically Punching the Clock, thinking about ways to survive. That would log a lot of hours and days and years of my life…
The plumber comes once a year to do checks, which allows my landlord to pass an obligatory test (i.e ticks paperwork = not get sued) and therefore get richer. His mortgage on this tiny apartment long paid for by yours truly, sometimes at the cost of my needing to choose food or a roof over head. He has enough wealth to have problems which don’t include fears about basic needs. Must be nice. I wonder if this is the ‘real work’ we are supposed to be striving for?
How is work measured?
By Teams meeting Hours logged on a Microsoft server somewhere?
Why are meetings valued over quality, quiet non-performative work?
Do we have to be ‘seen’ to be working as being accepted as working?
I remember my boss in the 1990s for a big catalogue company head office I worked for…. She was, at times, really mean to other humans, which I always found perplexing. I’ve had a few of these kinds of bosses, but that’s another essay. But she would attempt to ‘catch’ you, in a way that a hunter looks for prey, and if you weren’t on the phone, telephone that is, she would shout and clap at your head “chase-chase-CHASE! 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 Come on why aren’t you on the phone?!” much to my puzzlement. But without fail, it also bubbled up deep-rooted shame stories tied into beliefs that working hard is what has always been expected of me, and that means, no less than pushing above and beyond…do you relate?
My day job at this time was within stock control and watching the global infrastructure built on capitalist and colonial mentalities and very-real-structures create havoc as they waved their supremacist arses at the rest of the world, whilst the rest of the world secretly laughed and seethed.
I’d have conversations with factory owners in India and China, and felt just like i did growing up in the Caribbean when people would waft into Kingstown port from a cruise ship, bodies lathered in gold with entitlement to boot, a giant camera around their neck trying to take pictures of you in your school uniform, because it meant something valuable in this weird colonial currency, to capture your soul with this contraption. A validation of their arrival and domination over a place to then show their friends “look at some poor kids from a third world country, smiling and posing for me, look at them, so happy despite them having so little!”
At the time I was attending a catholic school but remember distinctly wanting to give them the middle finger (despite knowing the punishment that could incur- LICKS WOY! 🧹) so would turn away in disgust when they approached. And weirdly, they flocked to one of my schools, lingering with longing around the time the final hand-wafted bell cling-clanged, which made them hard to avoid. I mean, i guess in their defence it was quite a breathtaking space, look here, see?
Anyway
My boss at the catalogue company “chase-chase-CHASE!” 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 “push-push-push!” (although I kind of get excited when they do that push-push-push on Masterchef) reminds me of a film I rewatched after decades called ‘Welcome to the Dollhouse’ (1995) ~ trailer here ~ because hurt people hurt people.
Bullied? Then bully the next you shall.
I don’t believe it though. Wounds and scars from my childhood and adulthood bullies haven’t convinced me to replicate their harm and horrors. Unless you call me coming for Microsoft Teams bullying, in which case, I’m sorry for you…
There’s a pattern I notice in some Gen xers and even more so, some Boomers. I can say this as I was born in 1980 and have lived through a lot, so don’t @ me on this pls, but there is a strong waft of “I struggled, I grafted, I worked my arse off and suffered so everyone else should too!”
…i’m not even going to get into the nuances and comparisons of struggle cause a struggle is a struggle right? but I’ve heard it, and see it played out on the political playground. How tiresome! How sad!
When I tell u, I don’t want anyone to go through the suffering I’ve experienced and how I want each of us to have an easier time, a more peaceful life and somehow be as free as we can amidst the mess of global oppressive systems.
My long-standing and evolving fascination with space—particularly the concept of “spacemaking” (as in: “dionne.space”, “space to land,” “space is the place,” “spacemaking as sanctuary” +++ etc.)—has led me to reflect deeply on how we inhabit, explore, relate to, and reconcile with space. Over the decades (and indeed, my whole life), this inquiry has guided me towards both research and practice in anticolonial methodologies and integrative studies. These include Indigenous practices and rituals, embodiment modalities such as somatics, yoga, dance, and meditation, as well as psychology, neuroscience, art, craft, music, ecology, and more.
My fascination with proprioception feels resonant to mention here. I am reminded from my books of notes, references, questions and reflections, from studies with one of my dear teachers Bo Forbes and her generous teachings, that proprioception is beyond a sense, it is a system, and yes, speaks to how we move and manoeuvre and engage in and with space, with others, ‘social proprioception’ if you will. You know, like ‘expanding settlements on occupied land’ for example? And/or making lists of people who look a certain way and ban them from entering your country?
Yes, because the current state of the world has everything to do with all i’m speaking about in this essay. I cannot, for example, separate the genocide in Gaza from my reflections here, nor from my everyday life, nor discussions about ‘climate change’ and ‘sustainability’ (using these as they tend to be thrown around as more ‘palatable’ discussions in Teams meetings and ‘the west’). The webs of white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal, dehumanising oppressions, be they expressed as fascism, eugenics, apartheid, transphobia, classism, racism, ableism and much more besides, are linked, and there are many multiple examples we hold at once, Congo. Sudan. Haiti and beyond. We are entwined.
A breath for the grief we are holding. 🖤
This linkage also holds true for ways we might expand. Transform. Hold tight. Reconcile. Rebuild. And Love.
Our personal is political and interwoven with our social body. Our ‘bodily Beings’ as i like to phrase, as our body and brain and land and environments and community and much more are all interconnected. This is why when people say things like ‘yoga’ or ‘embodiment isn’t political’ over the years I continue to disagree. It’s also why i have walked away from certain ‘opportunities’, and chosen to teach from a place which holds what’s there, in favour of bypassing. It hasn't been the easiest path (and i’m sure i’d have to attend less unpaid TEAMS calls had i not…but, here we are!)
We are in a constant flux which is contrary to the illusion of ‘balance’ being one thing, right? It’s shimmering, trembling. At least that’s the report from my shell grotto.
History and lived experience tells us the hardest working people in the world are not fairly rewarded for their graft. So you can be told to “PUSH”! or “chase!” all you like, it’s unlikely to really make a difference. No amount of graft within dysfunctional systems is going to resolve this inequitable landscape. It only drives us to go above and beyond our capacity, pushing ourselves further away from ourselves and eachOther. Without a connection to ourselves or our inner worlds, our sense of self can be determined by outside forces, like colonialism, capitalism, white supremacy, social media, dominant cultural ‘norms’ etc. etc. etc.
If you can’t feel ‘safe-enough’, and are also grafting for your life, livelihood, survival…it’s likely you have to leave your body. A lot.
This is why embodiment is an anti-colonial methodology and modality I regularly practice, share, teach and believe in.
Creating safe-enough spaces to land as an alternative to - waves hands around- all this. Not to bypass nor gaslight what’s there, but to Be With. To reconcile this and explore our multitudes and possibilities.
Ps i’m sharing an embodiment practice video below if you’re in need of a little moment to digest this piece.
If you’re interested in rich explorations of psychology, neuroscience and the social context of embodiment as a decolonial methodology, I also again encourage you to check out
brilliant work. You can find her substack here with rich writings and research, along with her site here. I highly recommend her masterclasses and retreats!
Is it worth the effort?
I get why younger generations may not feel driven to live and die for their jobs.
I get it…
My generation, at least some like me who did what you were supposed to do, albeit in a ‘weird’ order (in my case) because you know, you had other traumatic sh!t to live through and people to support long into adulthood, but did it regardless, odds stacked against you, so you pull your boot-socks-straps up or whatever that saying goes which I bulk in annoyance at, fury in fact, and you continue to fight your way through to survive because “you can’t be trying hard enough”. So you work through all kinds of illness, poverty, danger, with disabilities -“shut up and sit still and get on with it” yet still end up living in poverty and with no safety net.
No safety.
No. I don’t want that for anyone else thanks.
The ‘game’ is rigged. And many of us didn’t ask to play.
How the “you can get breakfast lunch and dinner at work!” and “we are a family in this workplace!” doesn’t hit, because it’s WEIRD! Shoutout to the only yoga studio I ever worked at who made me clean (and paint!) the studios and toilets and changing rooms for free because they said, simply: “karma yoga!” with a smirk, and yes, they were, and this, despite me humiliatingly begging to be paid fairly as i was so broke i was walking the streets looking for pennies on the floor so i’d be able to afford to eat something that day, it makes me sick and that’s only the tip of the iceberg.
Karma indeed.
I watched this Margot Robbie tour “where work feels like home” against my will and no, I couldn't get through even 5 minutes of Barbie (2023) and yes, I believe that people should be able to enjoy the things they like so no, I don’t hate on people who did enjoy it! But this ‘tour’ left lots to be desired and as the saying goes:
I DO NOT DREAM OF LABOUR which is a lie because ironically it’s quite a lot of what i think about, making ends meet that is. (Punch Clock)
I want to be free.
That said, on reflection of a wacky week where I have repeatedly uttered that I fukcing love teaching and am reminded how much I fukcing love teaching and want to do more of it and have been sitting with how the hell do I make this work when I have struggled and am struggling and (although learning to live with this new life and disabilities and circumstances) yet am feeling like square one when I know it isn’t the case but-
Yes.
I’m sitting with that.
Going for a practice now.
(i’ll share that embodiment practice video at the bottom of this multimedia zine in case u fancy joining me)
But in the meantime, tell me, as I’d love to know:
Do you LIKE Teams? Could you tell me how to be a better tEAmS player?
Or are you also heaving at the idea of your next Teams call? Riddled with panic finding the link, unable to get the web version to work so it means you can’t log in or get access support? …Just me?
Also:::::::::::
If the Teams thing is a bit niche (as it should be, or perhaps i am the niche one as I only started using it in 2023 and I BEG can we just bring back MSN Messenger cause Microsoft peaked then sos-not-sos)….
Tell me something else:
What cultural jewels are you sitting with? Have you seen/ read/ listened to anything which has made you excited? Please share any chews/tips/thoughts/reflections below in the comments!
Thank you and also: I’ll be in touch soon with an update because last week was major! I’m also open to your ideas, requests and so on.
And if u make it to the end, in the spirit of White Pube, can you leave me an emoji, perhaps something work-related, i don't know, a wrench, an aubergine, an outbox goodness me! 📤📌🧹📆📍🗄📈🤿📐📁🧽🧺🍆🥣☎️
Love galore! United! Bonanza!
And may we continue to interrogate the structures. 🖤✊🏽
Good-bye!
Practice video- Hoof massage with tennis ball! 🐴🐾
Here’s the aforementioned embodiment practice video - it’s a foot massage - a proprioceptive exploration. Also, this one’s good for MASHING some TeAmZ stress and/or feeling connected to this earth beneath us despite and because of the atrocities we are living thru! Can explore sitting, standing, even laying down depending on how you meet this.
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