Thinning veils, shadows, ancestors and archetypes š¦
Honouring our interdependent and interconnected worlds
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Picture of Dionne at Notting Hill Carnival 2019 wearing a blue spotty skirt, green top with a yellow bag to her side (she is repping St Vincent and the Grenadines and wears a whistle around her neck bearing the name of these islands). She sits on the curb nyamming Caribbean food including curry goat, rice and peas, plantain, breadfruit and callaloo (see the Inspiration Station below for her callaloo soup recipe video) She is happy because although she didnāt get roti that day, she was relieved to taste the familiar comforts of her homeland and meet so many who shared this diasporic emotion which comes from being distant from the earth and sea and mountains she carries with her cellularly. The feelings are complex andĀ overwhelming at times. But this place on the curb where she sits in the midst of over a million gathered, feels safe for now. A place to shed layers. To get back to her essence.Ā
Thursday 27th October was independence day in St Vincent and the Grenadines. Celebrating 43 years of freedom!Ā š»šØ
Happy independence to my Vincy fam, those whose naval strings connect with St Vincent and the Grenadines that is, or to those who are ever-interested in decolonising, Hairouna, land of the blessed or Yurumein, homeland. To my Carib and Garifuna people, Indo-Vincentians, Afro-Portuguese and many more besides, may we continuously be free.
Iām turning 43 in February so Vincyās independence day always feels like a potent reminder of my own journey towards freedom, a lifetime in the making. An opportunity to pay homage to my ancestors, the people who came before. They walk with me each day of course, we talk, i listen, ask for guidance and more, but the unique history of this island, these islands, resisting oppression and ever-seeking freedom, fills me with pride.
I consider my other ancestors from other lands. All parts culminating and extending back into cultures and traditions which are merged into my being.Ā
I am grateful for it all, for the complexities and opportunities to forge the perspectives iāve been offered.
I consider Other aspects of my Being. The lenses of myself as old as my bones. Other identities i was born with. Some seen. Some invisible. And the unique perspectives they have given me in this world.
(not silver-lining systems of oppression here, but rather, centering parts often rendered to the edges)
How do you relate to the aspects of who you are?Ā
All facets of your Being?
As we approach the end of October, a sacred time point in many cultures, where the veil becomes thinner, itās a symbolic time of year to honour transitions. Some think of this move from the autumn equinox (in the northern hemisphere) as a descent towards the shadow.Ā
Iām intrigued about concepts of āthe shadow selfā. Some see it as a slur. Or something to be feared. A hidden part which feels distant and unseen and āunsavouryā to bring into the light.
I had a conversation and exploration with someone last week where we were discussing how we āvisualise our shadowā. They shared they feared their shadow. Didnāt like to look at it. Felt it creeping from behind. A threat. I offered that i didnāt see my shadow as something behind me, or inaccessible. It walks, or rather dances beside me each day, Holding my hand, other times, squeezing it tight. Perhaps a personification of younger me. A reclamation of all parts of me i have been taught to hide or be afraid of.Ā I also wonder if itās a cultural thing. The aspects of āshadowā were a part of daily life when i lived in the Caribbean. Matter of fact and veils thin, these different worlds lived alongside each other.
The loudest parts of my shadow of late have been shame and fear. Afraid iāve lost parts of me. Shame at not knowing how to receive these new-not-new aspects of myself.
There has been a fear, a hesitancy. A teetering on the cusp. Which feels very loud about now. Itās impossible not to leap. And yet to do that, i have to believe and trust.
Can i be enough?
Can i be there to catch myself?
Itās above me nowā¦
Itās beyond me.
Itās more than me.
And i need to release the āneedā to take care of it all myself (ever unlearning hyper-independence since 1980!) To trust in my community.
Speaking of which, there was a beautiful video i saw yesterday from Ashley Reese, demonstrating the power of community in action (please enjoy it in my Inspiration Station below).
It documented a group of friends coming together to support the celebration of two lives journeying onward. But also, a community transitioning a difficult time together, sharing resources and supporting each other through itā¦.
Interdependence.
The sum of all parts.
To offer an analogy, i recognise my shoulder as an example.Ā
My shoulder is not my shoulder alone. Itās inevitably interconnected with other parts of my body and thus these parts demonstrate interdependence by being in relationship with each other.
Elbow, wrist, neck, upper back. beyond.
The connective tissue which links these parts. Fascia, the wise, web-like sheaths, this wise network of body-wisdom, communicating with every part of me. See this weekās video offering āMagical Monkey Clawā for a little exploration of that! (link below in the Inspiration Station)
Shoulders weave together five different joints, each with their own complex intelligent partsĀ
Tendons. Bursa. Cartilage. Nerves. Blood. Bone. And more and more.Ā
It holds wisdom.Ā
It holds memories. Wounds. Joy. More besides.
It holds infinite potential.
Interconnected and interdependent.
I wonder, can our communities be considered in the same way?
Each part and person a valuable resource, not to be mined and extracted from, rather to exist and be their fullest expression of self?
Able to be free to be who they are.
This requires vulnerability
And space to hold all parts
Patience as we learn about each others differences and similarities
Trust in each other
A celebration of each interconnected part, each role we play in our interdependent ecosystem
š” Some are builders, creating structures and homes and third spaces we might gather within, to find shelter, communion, restoration.Ā
š„ Others bake bread, creating sustenance, nourishing one another with hearty fare.
š¼ There are the teachers, who offer insight and ways of digesting and understanding vast amounts of information and translating that in new ways.Ā
šæ There are healers who concoct medicine for us, from a plethora of resources and express these spells via by a multitude of mediums.
ā»ļø There are the sweepers, finding order and value in waste, recycling, creating clean slates, making ready our spaces.
š There are the joy distributors who keep hope alive, who encourage and pick us up when we are on our knees.Ā
š There are the wise elders who arenāt defined by age, rather experience, who offer us lenses of understanding and relation, and ways of seeing beyond sight.
š There are storytellers, weaving threads of folk tales, passing down inherited fables, poetry, oral histories, crafting ways of sharing stories where we get to see ourselves.
š® There are the innovators, scientists, dreamers and visionaries, daring to try Other ways of Being, which might not exist yet, or been tried before, putting themselves out there, making magic by trusting, listening and channelling.
And many more archetypes besides.
We are interdependent. Each aspect a necessary and valuable entity.Ā
I contemplate communityĀ Ā
And how we approach it
Especially now
Especially at this point of the pandemic
The roles i might play
The roles which donāt fit anymore
The roles which iāve been denying and have yet to step into
My shadow helps illuminate this.
My shadow is not a slur to shame me and describe unsavoury parts.
Nor is it out to scare me into staying with what i know (because it might seem āsaferā to be in a room of discomfort whilst avoiding its gaze)
My shadow is another aspect of myself, a window of opportunity which enables a chance to become even more free.
āThe doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.ā
ā Clarissa Pinkola EstĆ©s, Women Who Run With the Wolves
The shadowy realms, the darker, more introverted parts give us a chance to get to know ourselves more intimately, with compassion and a softer touch.
As we turn inwards, we have an opportunity to meet ourselves with compassion, which we can hopefully extend to others.
I notice this by the more intimate connections iām having with community. And my own call to finally stop putting off holding space for another virtual community class. Soft-soft (finally set a date - sign up to my Digest for more details āØ).Ā
The shadowy, quieter, more intimate season turns me towards what and who has come before, which in turn, helps me to know myself a little better.
I do not only dwell in the shadow.
I allow for the interconnected worlds, the spaces in between, the unknown and the known and felt to be true, all at once.
I hold space for process.