Caring for the carers š«
an update + replenishing practice video + events this week! š± sonic plant meditations forRest, art + embodiment (earth day every day š)
hi loves, how are you doing? whatās on your mind? heart? how your pets / local wildlife doing? i hope youāre as well as possible in these times.
i hope this offering meets you where youāre at, gives you a metaphorical hug of appreciation for all you are. and if you forgot, i hope this prompts you to remember (iām holding up a metaphorical-mirror to honour that šŖāØ)
on the cusp of a scorpio full moon, thought iād gather my giblets and send a small-ish update, some events happening this week, along with a lot of love and care.
thank you for being here.
iām so grateful to all of you who read, share, enjoy and support a space to land. thank you for sharing my work with your people, for speaking my name in rooms, places and spaces iām not in, i treasure you and it means the world to feel your support. special shoutout to my paid subscribers, something for you at the end š
iām really trying to find my confidence again, itās been a wild year(s), wild months and honestly, hard times, a lot of loss and grief and heartache but iām showing up anyway. iām doing my best. iām slowly finding my way back, re-emerging from my shell grotto, and that looks like returning to share some events which is exciting and scary. thereās lots to update you on but have tried avoiding a monster post with ALL the things and instead break this down into more bite-sized moments which i hope will resonate.
showing up for the earth and by nature, each Other
beyond burnout - how do we create and maintain enough care in our practice so we can show up for this planet?
iām thinking a lot about burnout whilst being out here on these streets, not only in my own life but also in the world, particularly when it comes to activism, transformative and disability justice, freedom, and a more equitable world where care and resources are available and abundant. it can feel overwhelming at times, hopeless even. why bother? perhaps iām naĆÆve in believing itās worth us continuing to tryā¦ but what other choice do we have?
i came to pun-di-road-activism a few decades ago, in solidarity and with a longing for change and transformation to some of the things weāre still painfully living through at this very moment in time. in my early years, i remember the ever-present-and-regular cycles of burnout. exhaustion. giving beyond capacity. perhaps we notice this in other parts of our lives too? iām certainly acquainted and iām just climbing out of one of the worst burnout periods iāve ever experienced. ever-working-on-it.
i remember recent periods of life, right before the pandemic, djing through the nights to pay the rent whilst putting on marathon events, teaching workshops, classes, retreats, flying in and going straight to the venue from the airport. there wasnāt time or funds or resources to take breaks, nor room to rest, acclimatise, pause, have a space to land. sometimes, there wasnāt even time to put my broken luggage somewhere, iād have to lug it to events and try to hide it out the way (most recently at my installation in February where it became part of the physical installation on opening night!). and other-sometimes, i couldnāt afford a hotel, so was sleeping on the floor of a venue. after these events it would take weeks to recover. cause i had to continue running for my life, working multiple projects to keep things afloat. i pushed myself too far, bypassed the urgency from my body-mind. overrode my limitations and capacity. the familiarity of this cycle, the warning signs, the residue, itās visceral, and so many of us know and feel it.
parts of me gurgle in defence of this ironic pattern - āhow silly it is when youāre someone who has been advocating so much for rest and softness officially since 2010 and yet - here you are!ā yes, itās no secret, iāve spoken of this before as being a reason why i teach and practice and do this work. but-and-also, thereās the impossibility of being a human on this planet having to live in this capitalist world which wonāt let so many of us live with ease, pay rent, eat, access healthcare etc. i am not ākeptā, i am a disabled human with no safety net nor family support and i come from a working class background where i worked from a (too) young age to provide for others. iāve been waiting over four years for medical referrals and am no closer to knowing how many more years it might be, unable to access healthcare nor help. itās expensive to be poor.
iām thinking about the impossible intrinsic links between class and bias and these wars we are witnessing and the climate crisis and each and every āismā - itās all connected. itās ridiculous but for some, perhaps more than others, the lack of choice and safety net brings an urgency to our lives which makes it impossible to stop. slow down, even. we are punished and shamed if we are poor, sick and/or disabled and/or āOtherā.
ā¦iām looking at a couple of old ācollaboratorsā of mine - actually itās a bombastic side-eye and i know some of em are still watching and reading so hi, i see you and hope you donāt treat Others the way you did meā¦š§æ
ā¦just like mi spirit still nuh tek to dem folk who declare- at a push- theyād wish to return to the 1830s but yāknow, āwithout all the racistsā, as if we might cherry-pick our āstruggleā. an illusion which neglects the impact we have upon (one)another.
spirit nuh lie and-
everything is connected.
and that can make it hard to do anything at all.
yet weāre told we need to work harder. to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. push past and through our disabilities, illness, struggles, financial situations and costie-living + housing + environmental crisis, etc. Itās beyond Rishi and this wretched government, itās systems of oppression and a sickness which can be felt far and wide which makes it hard to ignore, no matter how āhardā youāre āworking-on-itā. these systems are doing what they are designed to do.
itās not your fault.
weāre promised to āwork hard and youāll be rewardedā and thatās simply not true. iāve been working hard since i was 6 years old and i am still poor. many of the hardest working people i know have not received their āflowersā. it hurts. it harms.
care for the carers
but i know and feel, for i have seen and experienced time and time again, those who still believe in Other ways of Being, who are caring and giving above and beyond, are often meeting harder places due to lack of support, be it through the impact of burnout, health issues, estrangement, further financial hardships, neglect, unemployment and so on.
ādonāt think about it too much, too much, too much, too much š¶ā¦ā - Sampha
but the world still turns.
which is why i continue to do this work despite the possible absurdity of my situation. this work being a transdisciplinary artist, writer, teacher, and student despite my limitations. i write to you from this place of pushing through the resistance i feel about daring to show up, to speak, to share into a potential void or unsafe space where i might experience more harm. but thereās also the possibility of connection, something iāve yearned for with an aching heart amidst these challenging times.
i donāt want this to be a sad, stuck piece, nor do i want to come with āanswersā, rather, questions, chews, offerings, explorations, a reach-out to you, to ask what you think about how we meet the challenge of this often-impossible time weāre faced with. a wondering what you think about how we begin and continue to implement more care, so we might be able to tend to these parts which hurt and ache, hold each other in this mess, recreate, reimagine, remember for the sake of this world and each Other, that there are Other ways of Being. Other truths. Other possibilitiesā¦
ā¦you know, interdependence baybee!
many of you are actively exploring and modelling this through things like mutual aid, the organisation of care, redistribution of resources, the sharing of information, the assembly of community, the gathering of food items to be passed to those in need, the connection with strangers with a kindness, conversations and attention paid to the things which are meaningful and impactful in your worlds, be it local and/or global (to me, the local is every-part the globalā¦)
youāre meeting with and caring for youth, youāre caring for the elders, honouring the ancestors, paying attention to whatās happening in your neighbourhoods. i know at least a couple of you are working on the front lines in hospitals, also end of life care workers. some of you are teachers in under-resourced schoolsā¦youāre doing something unrelated to any of the above but working what you can with the limitations youāre faced with. youāre being with the hard stuff. sticky moments. unknown parts. the āi am confusionā and the āwhat in the WORLD is happening?!ā situations. and being with the grief. personal and collective.
and i wonder, in all of this, whatever part youāre playing, how are you also taking care of you?
i ask because iāve been exploring this question a lot myself, particularly in the hardest points of this burnout / breakdown.
sidenote: just how do you survive the horrors of this world whilst also doing your best to navigate institutions, microagressions, epistemic oppression and relational bullying as a tired black disabled human from a working class background? answers on a postcard/ comment below / reply to this mail with any ideas/resources/readings/sounds cause that would be so gratefully receivedā¦
these months iāve had to stage an urgent intervention of care. back to basics with it. caring for myself in the Audre Lorde sense of the word. and i meet you from this place. doing my best. i know youāre on that road. and thatās why iām so grateful youāre here. but i also feel at a loss because i donāt believe weāre supposed to struggle aloneā¦so in that spirit, hereās some offerings from me which i hope are generative in connection and might enhance and expand through gathering in space. as always, i love to hear from you so come say hi.
for those who are still figuring out how to give but not burn out
for those looking for a space to land
may we implement more care, more softness into this hard world
may we remember our interconnectedness and interdependence to and with the earth, our belonging because we are. and because we are here.
Gaza. Sudan. Haiti. The Congo.Ā
all spaces and peoples trying to Be and get free.
solidarity, love and liberation for us all š
EVENTS
FEELINGS radio is live!
Thank you for being in touch with me via the messageboard and your darling voicemails! Can you hear them in the stream?
Thank you to everybody who joined me live for my hybrid workshop-installation SENSORY SPACEMAKING for the experimental space Apparition - ecstatic visions of a future art school held at Central Saint Martins and around the world through our portals of pizzazz - it was dreamy to be in your company!
Also, a shoutout to those of you who joined my all-day Prince tribute, it meant a lot to Be together and share and connectā¦youāre appreciated š Also hearing messages from those who were sad to miss it - shall we do something 7 June?
Iām still broadcasting 24/7 at the moment believe it or not, so come hang out, listen, chat, leave me a voicemail and letās be in touch.
You can find FEELINGS radio here.
online Blender workshop series!
Iāve been continuing to experiment with arts pedagogy (and as-ever, embodiment is still very much entwined with this cause i mean, u know me - shoutout to some of you who have been around since 2010 and the days of art + yoga in its various forms! and if we havenāt met yet, hi!). since January have been working as a Changemaker at Central Saint Martins and as part of my āØSTUDIO SPACEāØ portal of pizzazz project where iāve been advocating for more inclusive, accessible, equitable and sustainable possibilities for the people, particularly those who are living with limitations and/or disabilities.
If youāre here, youāll know hybridity is something iāve been exploring for many years (decades?!), and i believe in it. i believe in connection beyond distance, place or space. And also the interconnected modalities in how we meet. Hence this lil āspace to landā portal, you know? Iāve been teaching since 2010 and am interested in how we co-create spaces to learn and expand and connect and rest and Be in community where we flourish and get to fully unfurl in all our humanness.
So our first public event is a series of online Blender workshops for the University of the Arts, London which began today 23rd April and runs until 21st May (students + staff at Central Saint Martins, please see the newsletter āCSM weeklyā or the front page of the Technical Moodle). Come to one or all (sessions also recorded, interactive and explorative)
If youāre not at csm but youāre exploring Blender, hit reply to this mail and get in touch, iād love to talk cheeky monkey business (iāve been trying to teach myself Blender and mmmrmrmmgh! letās discuss our journeys!)
Earthing for Earthlings workshop this Friday šš±āؚ暶
Iām delighted to be hosting a live event for the UAL Climate Emergency Networkās Earth Day programme on behalf of the Post-Grad Community!
Iāll be sharing a restorative workshop combining embodiment explorations with sonic plant meditations. Winfrey and Grace will be our guest collaborators and weāll be making music together! š±ššæ
You can find all the details here.
Weāll be online so join us from anywhere in the world. And to those who arenāt students, staff or alumni at ual, hit reply to this mail if youāre interested in attending
an earthy practice video
in honour of our Belonging to and with the earth
in solidarity with the land, this precious planet, and our precious parts, a practice to ground. Think of this as a gentle experimental practice playground so expect an explorative movement moment! š“š²šæš³ forget perfectionism! embrace the now! learn something new about where you're at! (ā¦perhaps?)
šø We'll dive into a somatic embodiment practice, super slow and arguably "advanced" but who cares about ranking, not this space! we hope to use positive tension to unwind unnecessary tension. what do we hold? can we get some support from the earth to release some of the heavy load?
š¤ And a question for your practice or to contemplate today: "is there any unnecessary tension i'm holding right now? if so, what can i do to make things easier for myself? more spacious? more gentle?"
š« every day is different. every practice is different. you're just observing your energy in this moment. and trust this moment is here to catch you so let's explore that! we'll start super super chill, and get a little bit workshoppy with some asana at some point, dismantle some barriers around āfinding a comfortable seat to meditateā, and close with some jaw release and rest practice. take care of you sweet beanzzz! i hope this offering supports you to feel a bit more at home in your body and remember your connection with the earth.
To all who have been supporting my journey in making these offerings for the people, supporting my work and practice and enabling me in turn to support others, iām so deeply grateful! This video is for paid subscribers so itās behind a paywall as itās not publicly available anywhere. but if youād like access to it and donāt have the means, please just hit reply to this mail.
ok hereās the 45 minute class + a little more offerings from me:
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