Twenty years on. Holding what’s here 💙
7th July + a soft ritual for remembering.
📩 If you’d rather listen today, there’s a ‘Rawdog-Recording’ voice note above. 👹
I’ll never forget this day.
Where I was.
The fallout from it, and how it changed everything.
I feel tender.
At the time i was in London and - like so many- on my way to work
So many have a story. a memory. a close call…
✨taking a breath here…join me?✨
It’s hard to focus today.
Maybe it’s the BTS stuff, or just the strain of this particular time. Regardless, i stick to my rituals. I show up for the practices i’m devoted to, because they hold me, even if only for now. And now is really what matters.
This morning I went for a walk in the rain.
Shiny silver opal hues.
Seagulls and crows hunched quietly.
It hasn’t rained like this in so long.
When I lived in Bergen (the rainiest city in Europe) people would say the rain cleansed everything. That it washed things away.
Yes to cleansing. Be it rain, tears, or both.
It’s hard to focus much today.
Things feel more difficult, frayed.
I remember, although i never forget.
My body knows this heaviness.
I try to be gentle with my weary confusion, despite the inner monologue of harsh demands i can’t meet with speed.
I remind myself it’s understandable i’m feeling it all.
Instead i encourage a softening, however small.
But i’m used to having to hold, which makes this hard.
I practice anyway.
I won’t share my story from that day here yet, although every year i write it again and again.
I also won't link to the media analysis of the minute by minute unfoldings of the day, or the survivor stories.
But i continue to remember them.
I’ve poured over the memorials privately and quietly, feeling the waves of grief (as i have done for twenty years).
Twenty years of remembrance.
✨ Shall we take another breath, for all we hold? ✨
What i’ll say is:
I know there are many of you who may also be feeling more today.
Whether from this specific memory you’ve also lived through, or something else.
So I’d like to compile -and co-create- a small collection of resources to hold and support.
For grief.
For anchoring.
For being-with.
Please feel free to share in the comments- anything that’s helped you.
Be it a song. a practice. a piece of art. words. something else.
Or just a note to say you’re feeling it too.
Here are a few to begin:
Caring for the Carers + replenishing earthy practice video
Would appreciate hearing yours
🌈 Mini Ritual: A Pause to Hold What’s Here
If it feels safe to do so, place one hand on your chest or belly- or wherever feels intuitive.
Feel the breath move. Not to change it, just to notice.
Let your body know you’re listening.
You might even say: I’m here. I remember. I’m holding this gently.
If it feels soothing, you could rock a little. Or you might be still.
Either way, we’re practicing being with what’s here, without needing to fix or solve it.
This is a moment to create a little space around whatever is present.
Stay with yourself as long as you need.
I’m right by your side.
💜
🌱 Speaking of being-with, thank you to those who responded to my last post- Building the Space I Wish Existed, your reflections, shares, likes and comments mean more than i can say.
If you haven’t read it yet and feel called, you’re warmly welcome to share your thoughts in the comments or form- i’m always (non creepily) listening.
Sidenote:
Had planned something different for you today, but brain blancmange isn’t allowing it 🥮🥴, so my practice today - again- is to be with what is. That mantra has been helping me lately through these challenging weeks-months-years.
Thank you for being here.
And thank you to each of the paid subscribers who continue to support me in this space and enable me to make this multimedia zine and share these resources for others. I appreciate you so
With love and much care,
Dionne
💜